英语小笑话

chushupeng

The ability of the Kangaroo 袋鼠的能力


The ability of the Kangaroo
　　The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?"
　　"I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.


袋鼠的能力
　　动物园为刚引进的袋鼠建了一个特殊的八英尺高的围墙。但是第二天早上，人们发现这动物在围墙外面蹦跳着。于是围墙高度增加到十五英尺，但袋鼠还是跑了出来。动物园经理甚感恼火，又叫人把围墙高度加到三十英尺，但袋鼠还是逃了出来。一个长颈鹿问袋鼠：“你认为他们会把围墙建到多高？”
　　“我不知道，”袋鼠说，“如果他们继续开着大门，可能要修到一千英尺吧。”

[ 本帖最后由 chushupeng 于 2008-9-23 20:28 编辑 ]

chushupeng

Excellent Skills 绝妙的技巧

Excellent Skills
　　After friends of mine landed at busy Newwark Airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. In desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.
　　In an instant, a skycap was at his side. Sir, observed the porter, you certainly have excellent communication skills.


绝妙的技巧
　　我的朋友们在繁忙的纽瓦克机场着陆后，他们却不能招呼到脚夫来帮他们搬行李。无奈，丈夫拿出一张五美元的钞票在人群上面摇晃。
　　一个带宽边帽的人马上来到他身边。“先生，”脚夫说道，“很明显你有绝妙的交际技巧。”

chushupeng

Senior Class 年长者阶层

Senior Class
　　During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.
　　When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!"


年长者阶层
　　医生按期来探视我的老母。我告诉他母亲不几天就要庆祝她98岁的生日了。医生听了也很高兴，为此，他弯下腰来亲了她一下。然后他说不几天他也要庆祝自己的生日，并要求她还他一个吻。
　　医生走后，我母亲厌恶地摇摇头。“你能想象吗，”她说，“付了他70元，我还得亲他！”

chushupeng

醉汉和盲人乞丐A Blind Beggar

There was a blind beggar wearing sunglasses and asking for money.

A drunk man walked by, thinking the beggar was pitiful, threw him a hundred dollars.

After walking a few steps, the drunkard turned around to see the blind man holding the money up to the sunlight to check if it was genuine.

The drunk man, feeling cheated, ran back and snatched the money back, “You’re gonna die! How dare you cheat me…”

The blind man, not wanting to feel like a cheater, retorted, “Hey man, I’m sorry,

I’m just here to replace my friend who really is blind. He went to the bathroom, and should be right back… Actually… I’m mute.”

“Oh, oh, in that case...” whereupon the drunk threw the money back and stumbled away.


在路边一个盲人乞丐戴着墨镜在街上行乞。一个醉汉走过来，觉得他可怜，就扔了一百元给他。

走了一段路，醉汉一回头，恰好看见那个盲人正对着太阳分辨那张百元大抄的真假。

醉汉过来一把夺回钱道：“你不想活了，竟敢骗老子！”

盲人乞丐一脸委屈说：“大哥，真对不起啊，我是替一个朋友在这看一下，他是个瞎子，去上厕所了，其实我是个哑巴。”

“哦，是这样子啊！”于是醉汉扔下钱， 又摇摇晃晃地走了……

chushupeng

Don't be selfish 别太自私


Don't be selfish
A mother is admonishing her son.
　　Now, John, don't be selfish. Let your little brother share the bicycle with you.
　　But Mother, I do. I ride it down the hill, and he rides it up the hill.


别太自私
　　一位母亲在劝告她的儿子。
　　"听着，约翰，别太自私，让你的弟弟和你共用一辆自行车。" "妈妈，我是让他。我先骑下坡，他再骑上坡。"

helladise

Well, good joke brings good mood.

chushupeng

轻松笑话每一天！

chushupeng

Three Men in a Boat
　　Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.
　　A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.
　　"Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends.
　　"In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"
　　"Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

三人同舟 　　三位男子在公园的长椅上坐着。中间的一个在读报纸，另外两个在假装钓鱼。他们给想象的鱼钩上鱼饵，放线，并卷线把鱼抓上来。
　　一位过路警察驻足观察了这个景象，他问中间的那个男子是否认识其他两位。
　　“喔，认识，”他说，“他们是我的朋友。”
　　“那样的话，”警察告诫说，“你最好把他们从这里弄走。”
　　“好的，警官。”那男子回答说，接着就开始疯狂般地做起划桨的动作来。

chushupeng

Where is the father?
　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

父亲在哪儿？
　　兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
　　“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
　　“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
　　哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

chushupeng

Contented Married Life 　　A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments."
　　"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"
　　"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."
　　His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"
　　"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."

令人满意的婚姻生活
　　一个男人告诉他的朋友自己婚姻幸福美满的秘密，“小事都由我妻子决定，”他解释说：“而我只管大事，我们从不互相干涉，从不生对方的气。我们从来没有抱怨、没有争吵。”
　　“听起来很有道理，”他的朋友深有同感，“有哪些事情由你妻子作决定呢？”
　　“嗯，”那个人回答说：“她决定我申请什么工作，我们住什么房子，买什么家具，去哪里度假这些事情。”
　　他的朋友很惊奇的问道：“哦？那么你决定哪些重要事情？”
　　“嗯，”他回答：“我决定谁来当首相，我们是否要增加对贫困国家的援助，怎么处理原子弹等等这些问题。”

helladise

keep posting

chushupeng

I'm not having it all cut off 　没把头发全剪掉啊
　　Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.
　　"Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
　　"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time."
　　"Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time."
　　"Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."

没把头发全剪掉啊
　　麦尔斯有时在上班时间去理发馆理发，但这是违反办公室规定的：职员只能利用自己的时间理发。一天，正当麦尔斯理发时，经理碰巧也进来理发，而且就坐在他旁边。
　　"你好，麦尔斯，"经理说。"我看到你在上班时间理发了。"
　　"是的，先生。正是这样。"麦尔斯平静地承认了。"可先生，你看，头发是在上班时间长的。"
　　"不全都是吧，"经理立刻说，"有一些是在你自己的时间里长的。"
　　"对呀，先生，你说得很对。"麦尔斯礼貌地回答说，"但我并没有把头发全都剪掉啊。"

chushupeng

A Life for a Life
     The English author，Richard Savage，was once living inLondon in great poverty．In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life，but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops，and Savage was living from hand tomouth．As a result of his lack of food he became very ill，butafter a time，owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him，he got well again．After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits， but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it．The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again． But still no money came． Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money．Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment，saying to Savage，“You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you．”
　　“I agree，” said Savage，“that I owe my life to you， and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you．”With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled，The life of Richard Savage．

以“命”抵命
　　英国作家理查德·萨维奇一度在伦敦过着贫困潦倒的生活，为了赚几个钱，他曾写了有关他自己生平的故事。但是这部书在书店里并没有卖出几本，萨维奇过着朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物，他病得很厉害。后来，由于给他治疗的那个医生的高明医术，他才又恢复了健康。过了一两个星期之后，医生给萨维奇送来了一张讨要诊费的帐单，但是贫穷的萨维奇没有钱来偿付。医生等了一个月后又送来了帐单，但仍然未索回分文。几个星期之后，他又送来帐单要钱。最后，医生本人来到了萨维奇的家中，对他说：“你明白，你是欠我一条命的，我希望你有所报答。”
　　“是的，”萨维奇说，“我是欠你一条命，为了向你证明我对你的诊治不是不报答，我将把我的命给你。”
　　说着这番话，萨维奇递给医生两卷书，名叫《理查德·萨维奇的一生》。

chushupeng

something Really Cheap
　　After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
　　“How about some perfume？”he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.
　　“That’s a bit much,”said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
　　“That’s still quite a bit,”Tim complained.
　　Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
　　“What I mean,”said Tim, “is I’d like to see something really cheap.”
　　The clerk handed him a mirror.


真正便宜的东西
　　做完生意回来后，提姆觉得应该给妻子带点什么礼物回去。
　　“那些香水怎么卖啊？”他问卖化妆品的售货员。售货员给他展示了一支价值50美元的香水。
　　“看起来好像有点贵哦！”提姆说道。于是售货员又拿出一款30美元的香水。
　　“还是贵了点。”提姆抱怨道。
　　售货员开始有点恼火了，就给提姆一瓶很小的香水，价值15美元。
　　“我的意思是，”提姆说，“我想看看一些真正便宜的东西。”
　　售货员听了后，递给了提姆一面镜子。

chushupeng

Waste or Save
Father: Oh, Jack, you have slept away the whole morning. Don't you know you are wasting time?
Jack: Yes, Dad. But I've saved you a meal, haven' I?


浪费还是节约
　　父亲：噢，杰克，你又睡了一上午。难道你不知道你这是在浪费时间吗？
　　杰克：我知道，爸爸。可我还给您节省了一顿饭呢，是不是？